A Good Drive

We could get lost, baby I don’t care

I ain’t worried as long as you’re there

There ain’t no place that I’d rather be

Next to you, sittin’ next to me

Shenandoah

When my husband announces that he’s going to Home Depot, or picking up a load of gravel, or dashing off somewhere to buy used farm equipment he found on Craigslist I drop almost anything I have planned. I’ll happily load up the kids and hop into the passenger seat. With as many miles as we have logged together, one might think riding in the car would be a wearisome activity-especially with small children-but there’s just something special about a good drive.

From the beginning of my relationship with Brett, time spent on the road has been a necessity. Until a few years ago he was in event marketing full time and traveled across the Pacific Northwest. He also worked for his dad, driving inventory across the country and setting up at various trade shows. If I wanted to spend time with him, I had to be willing to come along. We also frequently make the four hour drive to spend time with my side of the family. It’s also become more important to consolidate our trips out to run errands. Responsible but also fun.

We have a captive audience in the car. Neither one of us can get up and walk away from the other when we are belted in and cruising around. We can’t leave each other for our to-do lists. This helps both of us listen to each other as well as feel heard in return. The seating arrangement feels non confrontational lending the courage to bring up and work through difficult conversations. I don’t recommend fighting in a moving vehicle. That is just reckless. I have noticed two things in our relationship though. Difficult conversations between us occur naturally in the car. I think we both feel safe enough in that space to have the courage to start them. Also, for us, hard topics brought up in the car have a better chance at resolution. Brett and I are less likely to argue or have hurt feelings.

Silent time in the car can be just as high value as the conversation. My grandpa passed away early in my relationship with Brett. I had the week following the funeral off of work and I spent it traveling with Brett. We drove to Seattle for a few days and then down to LA and back. The conversations I’m sure were great and I know we learned a lot about each other; but the most special part of this trip though, was that I realized I trusted Brett with my grief and that he was willing to sit with me in my sadness for 2200 miles.

Road trips are great for building a relationship. Challenges are inevitable, providing plenty of opportunity to practice skills like teamwork, problem solving, compromise, and loving each other even when hungry. 

Brett and I both find sightseeing inspiring. Looking at the beauty of nature or simply noticing what other people are doing sparks both of our imaginations. The repetition of mileposts passing by has a hypnotic effect, bringing long buried dreams to the surface as well as the audacity to share them out loud. A comment I made about a dream to have a meadow one day foreshadowed Storyteller Farm. 

Drives have taken our physical selves from place to place, but they’ve also driven our relationship forward and inspired the directions our dreams have taken our family.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “Ordinary Inspiration”.