“You asked for this!” Brett said to me. I don’t remember the exact absurdity that was happening at that moment. With four small children and a farm full of animals, among other things, there is always a degree of chaos in our lives. It’s our baseline. The overwhelm can creep up on me though, as it did in this instance.
“What are you talking about?” I said, with more frustration than I intended.
“You asked for this!” His eyes twinkled and knew he was teasing me. “This is your wild and unruly! I’m sure you sang that song over and over again, saying you ‘want to grow something wild and unruly.’”
Sure enough. He had me there and I had to laugh as I thought back to high school and my love of country music. Those are lyrics from Cowboy Take Me Away by The Chicks and he’s right. I sang that song like a hymn while daydreaming about the future and praying for a big life. So yes, I did call down the thunder. Words have meaning and I’ve written a little about this before.
Ever since this conversation, this phrase has been rolling around and flipping over in my head. I can’t let go of it until I’m sure I’ve squeezed every last drop of meaning out of it. Maybe I’m being dramatic and it’s simply the way my midlife crisis is manifesting. Or, maybe these lessons are really important and I’m finally realizing it in this season of reflection. Either way, I know I’m not alone in my thoughts or feelings, and hopefully sharing them will resonate with other wild and unruly Mamas.
My initial thought, after I stopped laughing, was pure relief. “Wild and unruly” completely describes our parenting style and the kind of childhood we want our kids to experience. For better or worse, we have a name for it. It helps to know that I technically did ask for this with my whole heart. It’s so hard though. But also, hard doesn’t necessarily mean wrong. A lot of good things are hard.
Moving to the farm was a big step. Brett and I both spent a lot of time outdoors as children where we had space and freedom for imagination, play, exercise, and exploration. Raising our kids in a similar environment was a top priority. It’s amazing to see what their rapidly growing brains and adaptive little bodies can be capable of when given a chance in an undomesticated, uncultivated (wild) environment.
We also include them in age-appropriate projects and chores. This might seem counterintuitive to “wild and unruly” but I would argue that the more they know how to do, the tools they know how to use, the problems they know how to solve, etc the more freedom they will have as they get older. More freedom, more choices, more opportunities, more experiences.
We don’t want to tame them; guide them, teach them, nurture them, but not tame them. There will be enough pressure out in the world to change, conform, or water down. As their parents, we want to build their confidence in the way God made them–their strengths, their uniqueness, the things they think are interesting, even their weaknesses. To care more about honoring the Creator that created them than conforming to the opinions of people around them.
When I was growing up, my parents–especially my mom–encouraged my dreams. Not only did they allow me to be a dreamer and tell me they believed I could achieve them, but they also taught me how to be capable, resilient, and how to work hard. I didn’t know my husband as a child, but I imagine his parents were similar. Brett is also a dreamer and dream-chaser so we both want the same for our children. We want to encourage their imaginations and creativity and pray they have big, inspiring ideas for their futures. But also, we want them to be brave enough to try even though it’s scary. Hopefully, they will have the confidence to pursue their goals and the tools they need to keep moving forward.
All of this will be completely meaningless though if they come away without a relationship with God. Ultimately that’s our prayer as parents. That growing up in nature fosters a reverence for the Creator. That knowing where their food comes from makes them thankful for the Lord’s provision. That they learn how to love Jesus and love others well. That they are sensitive to the holy spirit’s leading and don’t hesitate to follow.
I believe in all of this so much and feel like there are so many other mamas out there that do too, I put the message on some tank tops. And kid shirts. And onesies. In pink and in blue. Check out this IG reel to see all the options in action.
I’ve also been very inspired listening to the music that was playing in the background of all my childhood memories. I put together this playlist of nostalgic country songs that you can access by signing up for our newsletter.
