“What is one way I can love you better?” I asked my husband as we sat across the table from each other.
It was one of those half-awkward, half-hopeful newlywed conversations that we had sometimes as a couple learning how to live together well.
As an international family — a Korean husband and a British wife living in South Korea — we had some extra learning curves. We kept stumbling across cultural differences we didn’t know we had! And it seemed that food and dining customs were good examples.
My husband looked thoughtful at my question. After a few moments’ pause, he said, “Eat breakfast with me. Breakfast is important family time in Korea, and it makes me feel loved when you eat together with me.”
I sighed a little. I was not a morning person! In my culture, dinner was the most important meal of the day, when the family gathered after a hard day’s work to catch up on the day’s events. In contrast, breakfast was generally eaten on an individual’s own schedule, rather than being a significant gathering time.
However, in Korea, it was not as common to eat dinner together as a family. The work culture meant that staff might often have to stay late in the office, and they might be expected to attend after-hours social events with their bosses and colleagues. Thus dinner time was not typically family time…but breakfast was.
So – a little half-heartedly, I admit – I decided to get up earlier, put some more effort into cooking breakfast instead of dinner, and eat together with my husband.
But the kind of breakfast that he was used to was quite different from what I had grown up eating. Cereal and toast were not normal for him. Instead, a typical breakfast consisted of rice, kimchi, soup, and various “side dishes” of vegetables, eggs, and other foods.
It felt a little overwhelming!
One morning, determined to try this new routine but still on my old body clock, I got up late. I was bleary-eyed and in a hurry. Yet I still wanted to serve up something impressive.
I switched on our gas stove to heat up a frying pan, turned my back for a minute, and when I turned around again, I saw flames licking the wall behind the stove. I had set my countertop oven cable on fire!
My oven was sitting next to my stovetop, and the cable ran behind the stove to an inconveniently-located outlet. Usually, I unplugged and moved the cable before I turned on the stove, but that morning I had simply forgotten. Now it was melting and flaming dramatically.
After a moment’s shock, I quickly put out the fire…but as well as feeling relieved, I was embarrassed. What would my husband think? That oven had been an expensive gift from him, in a country where ovens are not common kitchen equipment. How could I have been so careless?
But my husband didn’t say anything about the oven. “As long as you’re OK, that’s all that matters,” he said with a hug.
That moment reminded me that breakfast together wasn’t about fancy food and fuss. The menu didn’t matter so much. But we mattered. Connection mattered.
It would have been easier for me to keep my old schedule, getting up after my husband and not worrying about breakfast. But a small sacrifice on my part – rising a little earlier, making and eating breakfast together – was a tangible expression of love. It spoke to my husband’s heart, and in the end, it blessed me too.
Gradually, my husband and I have learned to adapt and simplify our breakfast styles and schedules and find something that works for us.
Beyond that, our hearts are nourished at our table, as we spend those few morning minutes together, talking, reading the Bible, and praying over his bowl of rice and my plate of toast.
Sometimes, love looks like breakfast.
Lynette Allcock Yoon is a writer, teacher, and former radio host. She grew up between three countries as a Third Culture Kid (TCK), and now lives in South Korea with her husband. She writes about faith and relationships from an expat, TCK perspective. She loves helping fellow wanderers & sojourners to feel seen, encouraging them to overcome the challenges and find the beauty in cross-cultural living. You can read more of her writing on her website and Instagram.
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