No Rules for Banana Splits and Sundaes

When my nephew was six weeks old, my husband and I got the privilege to babysit him overnight. I was so excited to have him overnight, as I loved that sweet boy like he was my own. We didn’t have a crib or bassinet, so I went out and purchased a cheap one for him to sleep in.

 I was working as a nurse in labor and delivery at the time and had always taught parents to put their babies on their backs to sleep to decrease the risk of SIDS. My nephew, however, had been put on his belly to sleep since he was born, so my insistence on him sleeping on his back was not working. I finally gave in and put him to sleep on his tummy that night.

The next morning, the unthinkable happened. When I went to get him ready for the day, I found him unresponsive. I immediately started CPR, but unfortunately, later in the hospital, we were told that he had passed away. This of course was one of the most devastating days not only of my life but my entire family’s lives, including his parents.

Over the next few days as we were planning his funeral, we had several family members fly here from California as well as friends come from long distances to be with us. One night before the funeral, my Aunt and I decided to go to the store and buy a bunch of different ice cream flavors, bananas, hot fudge, caramel, nuts, and all the toppings one could think of to make banana splits and sundaes. We wanted to break all the “rules” and decided we were going to have a big banana split party that night for dinner.

We got home and set our table up with all the ingredients and everyone started making their banana splits and sundaes. We all gathered together around ice cream of all things, to help us feel child-like joy and love on each other through our grief. We sat around eating our banana splits and reminiscing about all the things we loved about our sweet nephew. There were tears, lots of love, and some laughter as well. It was a very sweet time.

I will never forget that evening and the time we were able to come together as family and friends. We let our hearts be free from any stress of meal planning for a large group, not worrying about eating dessert for dinner, but instead having fun making sundaes and banana splits like little children.

It brought the joy that we all needed amid so much pain. It opened my eyes to see that sometimes we can get caught up in the “rules” of dinner and making sure we have well-rounded meals, making them healthy, setting the table properly, and so forth. What truly matters is not what is on the table or the menu, but rather who we are with, gathered around the table sharing love and joy during whatever season of life we are in.

Melody Nosko is a registered nurse (RN-BSN) of 20 years, a wife of 20 years, and a mother to her 18-month-old adopted daughter. She has experienced many years of heartache, loss, and grief. Trying to conceive children, the traumatic loss of her infant nephew, and many other trials and tribulations have led her to have a burning desire in her heart to help others who have or are suffering from loss, fear, and grief. Melody is passionate about speaking life into women who have struggled with infertility, giving them hope to one day be the mother they desire to be. She is currently in the process of writing her book and working on speaking engagements that she hopes will help to aid in the healing of those who are hurting or feeling hopeless. You can find Melody on Facebook and Instagram.

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