“[The table is] the raft to ride down the river of our existence even in the hardest times.”
Adam Fopnik, The Table Comes First
When he sits down at the end of our long dining room table across from my husband that first Christmas after he had been clean from drugs for over a year, I’m desperate to freeze time, to take in every moment – to be present.
It’s sacred ground to sit sharing a meal around a table where you’re accepted, not for what you bring to the table but for who you are. I can’t explain it. It’s as if the table symbolizes everything right about love and life for those moments. You can breathe easy and shut out the world while sharing a meal with those you love. It’s a choice. We can find strength by leaning on Jesus. Until you feel the ache of suffering, you’ll never experience unbelievable joy.
I cried myself to sleep many nights covered in shame, thinking my mistakes were the reason my oldest son turned to drugs. Yet even though the ache of having an empty chair while having a child in drug rehab seemed almost too much to handle, I made a meal and gathered my people, believing one day we would all be united. My cheeks wet with tears some nights, staring at the chair where he once sat.
Flames engulfed the twenty years of life my husband and I had built together, and no matter how hard we tried, those ashes wouldn’t go back together. Yet, I admire God’s handiwork, seeing the beauty in trusting God with all of me, including the hard. Although my family began to unravel for a variety of reasons, including my oldest turning to drugs, my daughter’s uncontrollable anxiety, and my mom’s sudden cancer diagnosis, I knew we were precisely where God wanted us to be.
Tonight, after we all gathered around the table with dishes stacked in the sink like memories stacked in our minds, there’s me taking a deep breath and praising God for how far we’ve come. I never expected to get so much wrong. I also never expected the simple act of gathering the seven of us around a table and sharing food to be the glue God used to restore my family.
My oldest and I are the last at the table. I can see the suffering in his eyes, the torment, knowing all the harm he caused. I know because I hold myself in the same prison. Without thinking, I lean in, grab his hands, and say, “I love you, and please hear me. Nothing any of us have done is too far gone for God. We can’t outrun Him. He loves us with a fierce love. I’m thankful you’re here.” We hug, and I try with everything in me to memorize this moment because it is a gift. I try to be present to grace.
Even if you’re getting so much wrong about being a mom, choose to get everything right about regularly spending time around the table. The statistics are alarming. Most families spend one out of five meals eating in the car. One in four eat at least one fast-food meal every single day. Families in the US report eating a single meal together less than five days a week, and even then, most are in front of the TV—no wonder the average parent spends only 38.5 minutes weekly in meaningful conversation with their children (statistics are From Tablet to Table by Leonard Sweet).
We can do better. We must do better.
After eighteen years of being a mom, broken at times, who should have prayed instead of punished and who screamed and yelled instead of extended grace. No matter how shattered and exhausted I may feel, gathering all seven of us around the table isn’t negotiable. The past remains a memory etched within us, while tomorrow remains a mystery yet to unfold. However, today is a gift bestowed upon us by a higher power – a present moment to cherish and embrace.
Our table isn’t just a place to eat; it’s a sacred opportunity to embody the presence of Christ among us. It’s a space where we can allow Him to work deeply within our families. Here, we share the most intimate parts of our days, continually extending forgiveness to one another.
Let’s cherish this precious time together, allowing love and grace to permeate every interaction. As we gather around the table, may we find peace, healing, and the strength to navigate life’s challenges as a united front.
Lea Turner is a registered nurse (RN-BSN) and a compassionate writer and speaker who helps others see God’s goodness in the hard. Having experienced three years of heartbreak, including death, illness, addiction, and loss, Lea has become an expert on grief and is passionate about walking alongside others who are suffering. She’s written for Proverbs 31 Ministries, The Glorious Table, and For Every Mom. She resides in Mississippi with her husband and five children and is known for her attentive listening and insightful wisdom. Her newest book, The Freedom to Feel, will gently lead you to discover how to embrace pain and suffering with kindness, gain the freedom to express your fear and disappointments to God, reignite hope through an awareness of God and His promises, and learn to hold space for each other’s pain and suffering. Find more at leaturner.com.
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