I don’t normally cry over tacos, but this time was different.
It was a gorgeous summer evening, and my husband Mike and I were hosting our life group leaders for dinner.
As we sat down in the backyard over homemade tacos, our guests began asking about our testimonies – the story of our walk with Jesus.
The copout route is that I grew up in a Christian home, accepted Christ at a young age, and have walked with Him since. Pretty dull stuff, but having a boring testimony is a hidden blessing. But I remembered there was more to the story. The part that still chokes me up when I think about it. I decided to bare all.
A season that changed everything
It was the beginning of my junior year of college. I had transferred to a different university, out of state and far away from family or the friendships I had developed in my first two years of college. I was ecstatic for the opportunity, but reality set in like a pallet of bricks on my chest as soon as I dropped my mom off at the airport.
I was completely alone, for the first time in my life.
As I looked around at groups of friends while walking to class, eating at the cafeteria, and navigating weekends solo, I got depressed.
Sure, I had acquaintances I’d say hi to. I even befriended a group of fellow transfer students. But I felt invisible, like they didn’t notice or care if I was there.
The loneliness was crushing me. Worse, I had a roommate I wasn’t crazy about, so even my personal space was not a solace.
Piling on the challenges, my classes were difficult, and I struggled to keep up. I was worried about how I would make my monthly tuition payments as the job I’d found wasn’t providing me enough hours.
To summarize, I had no friends and I was broke, lonely, and struggling in my classes. It was the darkest spot I’d been in.
Handling a crisis
Amidst this, the Lord had directed me to James chapter 1. Verses 2-4 read:
“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
I took solace from that passage because I knew God was using these trials to accomplish something in my life. I just didn’t know what.
One night, my roommate was gone. Obviously, I had no social plans, so I was facing an evening of sitting in my dorm room all alone.
The weight of my burdens was too great to bear, and I fell on my knees at my bedside, crying out to God for mercy. I wanted Him to solve my problems.
I wanted friends who accepted me, a job that would pay the bills, and not to feel academically inferior. I had hit my breaking point.
Hot tears stung my eyes as I appealed passionately to God.
A surprise
What happened next was not what I was expecting. God gave me a vision. I was in a pitch-black room with a closed door with a gap at the bottom. Coming out from the gap was a blinding light—so bright that it hurt my eyes, and I had to shield them from within the dark room.
On the other side of the door was the throne room of God almighty. Though the door remained closed, it was my taste of the “unapproachable light” in which He dwells (1 Timothy 6:16).
To say I was humbled would be an understatement. I instinctively moved from my knees to face down on the floor, knowing that even that posture was not low enough when witnessing God’s majesty. My tears of desperation turned to those of awe, fear, and worship. The kind that are terrifying and purifying, in His mercy.
I had asked for relief from my problems, and God had instead shown me a glimpse of His perfect holiness. It’s impossible to articulate how deeply that moved me.
What was next
That encounter forever humbled me and changed my perspective. It made me realize how much bigger God is than any problems, no matter how significant. I was shaken to the core with God’s majesty.
Because that was the most profound of experiences, I still tear up when I think about it.
Fast forward over 20 years, and retelling this was responsible for crying over tacos with our friends.
I’m grateful for faithful friends who love our souls enough to ask meaningful questions. It’s a blessing that, in the hustle of life, when we take time to open our homes and share a meal with those we love, the opportunity for real conversation begins.
P.S. God did eventually answer my prayers from that evening. But that is part two of this story!
Summer Sorensen is a freelance content writer and social media marketer for fitness and wellness brands. She loves listening closely to her clients’ struggles and the problems they solve for their customers so she can create content that grows their businesses.
She blogs at SummerSorensen.com about Christian apologetics, adventure, productivity, and all things pertaining to optimizing one’s life for God’s glory.
She has been married to her husband, Mike, since 2010. When not working, you’ll find her reading, cooking, staying active in the great outdoors, and volunteering at her church. She is always looking for the next opportunity to go hiking, camping, swimming, or cycling.
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